Top Ten Wins of All Time

The following list comprises, unarguably, the Ten Greatest Wins of all-time.

...

Enjoy.

10.Yi-Jianlan def. chair

The internet rules, no question. Sometimes, however, they fail big time. How can this video not be online anymore? New Jersey Nets forward and Chinese NBA basketball hero Yi Jianlian was ready to be picked rather high in the 2007 NBA draft. In order to increase his draft stock, Yi recorded a video of himself absolutely crushing a metal folding chair in a game of one on one. To be fair, the chair was an incredibly patient defender.

9.David Hasselhoff's jacket def. Berlin Wall

Communism takes a real ass-kicking in this list, as you'll see later on. In one of the most impressive clothing moves of all time, David Hasselhoff's Christmas-light leather jacket unarguably takes out the Berlin wall. Dig the video description.

8.Jon Stewart def. Tucker Carlson

Often labeled an ignorant political figure who hides behind his comedic reputation, Jon Stewart appears on Crossfire and brushes Tucker Carlson's teeth with his dick.

7.Mighty Ducks def. Black kids

Before they went on to win the 1994 Junior Olympic Goodwill games, Team USA pulled out a nail-biter against a bunch of poor black kids with inferior equipment in a game of roller hockey.

6.Bill & Ted def. San Dimas High School/ Ted's dad

Facing threats of failing and military school, Bill & Ted crush the space/time continuum, make some pretty impressive friends, and put on the most excellent history report of all time.

5.Rocky def. Communism

Though Hasselhoff's jacket did some serious damage, it looks pretty minuscule compared to Rocky Balboa single-handedly beating Communism.

4. John McClain def. Hans Gruber & Co.

A surprisingly ethnically diverse group of terrorists/glorified thieves attempt to ransack the Nakatomi Corporation of a shitload of money and precious artifacts. John McClain says nah, bro.

3.Eric Cartman def. Scott Tenorman

On the real, Scott Tenorman's pube trick was pretty god-damned genius. Be that as it may, Eric Cartman's revenge makes Jaws' look like pussy shit.

2.Bill Pullman, Will Smith & Jeff Goldblum def. Technologically Superior Aliens

Well, 20th Century Fox pulled an out of this world douche-move by pulling the last remaining online video of Pullman's epic speech from Youtube. Horrible. Anyway, here's this...

1. Luke Skywalker def. The Death Star

Dude, come on. Who else was gonna pull this shit off, Porkins?